Here we go again...

Well I said that I'd do updates on the Grandma Church situtation, so here it goes. Things have gone from crazy to hellish within the past week. And no, for you non-believers, I am definitely not exagerrating.


On Sunday Grandma was talking to my sister on the phone and telling her how horrible it is here, that she wants to go home, etc. The highlight of the conversation (which I was of course eavesdropping on) was when Grandma said that my father had choked her and that is why she has a cough. Oh, in case you didn't know, Grandma has a form of dementia called Lewy bodies. Basically this means she has a mixture of Alzheimers and Parkinsons disease. So when she says things like, her son choked her, that is related to the memory deterioration and delusions that she has. It is actually pretty sad. On the other hand, it makes for some...interesting stories.


Oh, another story, last night Grandma was at home and Paul was the only one who was home. I was the first to get home, around 8:00 pm and Grandma had apparently spent all evening telling Paul that she was going to call the police and her attorney (she doesn't have an attorney) because he was holding her hostage. Riggghht Grandma, Paul didn't wouldn't let you leave the house because...of your scintillating conversation? By the way, any conversation with Grandma takes place at a yell, I kid you not, because she can not hear. Well, maybe that wasn't it. Perhaps Paul wanted to take all of her money? Wait a second, she doesn't have any of that. Hmmm. Well sorry Grandma, but I just am not seeing the motivation for this "crime." Thanks for playing, why don't you try again next week, thanks.

Well I think you're crazy, think you're crazy...

My grandmother recently moved into my parent’s home because she can no longer live on her own. If this were my mother’s mom then this would not be an issue; she is a pleasant woman who is genuinely kind. However, as luck would have it, the grandma who currently inhabits la casa is my dad’s mother. This woman is a far cry from the kind-hearted, sweet and loving grandma that I previously described. Grandma Church is a cantankerous, bitter woman who seemingly enjoys causing drama, distress and all-out commotion. Yes I know, I make the situation sound very appealing don’t I? Well, the one slightly good part about this whole scenario is that Grandma Church and her ridiculous antics will be fodder for this blog. Oh the stories I will be able to tell…

I would like to begin the first in my series of “Grandma Churchisms” (which is what I have just decided to call this section of my blog). A week ago I was going to play tennis after work with my mom and a friend. Since Grandma had been cooped up in the house all day, we thought she might like to go with us, not to play- we don’t want to break the elderly, geesh!- just to watch. However, when we got to the park the tennis courts were full, so we drove off in search of another place to play. As I turned onto the main road, Grandma Church said, “Sharlene, did you notice that woman walking her dog? Her son was behind her and she wasn’t watching him. That is why parents need to use harnesses for their children. There are too many people nowadays who would take advantage of that.”

I am not joking- she thinks that children should not only be attached to leashes, but should wear a harness! Seriously? Where does she come up with stuff like that? All I can say is that the more I hear her talk, the more stories and opinions she proffers, the more I realize what a miracle it is that my dad is so normal!

The Many Faces of Brayden